What about this place makes it look like a bar?

I assume that if you are coming to the zoo, you want to spend time with your family. Frequently, that does not seem to be the case. It's more like people bring their children to the zoo so they can yell at them in a different environment. I also have had parents who have been in the zoo for about, I don't know, 10 seconds and want to know where they can get a beer at 11 AM. Please keep your alcoholic tendencies at home and far away from my store. Of course they never do.

Here's a story going back a few years now. It was a slowish day but there were lots of us at work so maybe we were doing inventory or something. I don't really remember the details. I do remember someone saying "Do you smell that? It smells like beer." And it was. Someone had spilled an entire glass of beer in the front of the store and did not bother to tell any of us. We put up a wet floor sign and call janitorial since we apparently are not allowed to have a mop. Now, the store is not properly ventilated so it reeked of beer smell. With no air freshener in sight, we decide to open a package of incense that we sell. In case you were wondering what could possibly smell worse than beer at this moment, the answer is beer and lavender. Anyway, janitorial comes about two hours later and asks me where the puddle is that needed to be cleaned up. I point and say, "See that wet floor sign. It used to be there." Just another happy day at the zoo.

Here's one from last week. So I did not feel well all week, but went to work anyway since I was only scheduled for one day. I was the one in charge for the day. It looked like it was going to rain which made me happy because seriously who comes to the zoo when it looks like it's going to rain. A lot of idiots and douchebags. So I'm walking around, straightening up, minding my own business, when a see a puddle over by the toys. I get closer and I can smell it: beer. I try to clean it up as best as I can causing myself to smell of beer. I spray the poor excuse for carpet with glass cleaner hoping it will over power the smell. But nothing over powers the smell of beer. I'm livid at this point. Why, oh why would they allow beer into the exhibit? So after stalking a few customers who are holding beer, I decide I should go talk to security who scans the tickets as people enter the exhibit. After all, according to the zoo's liquor license, beer must be consumed in the area it is purchased hence the BEER MUST STAY HERE signs. The security kid tries to tell me that sometimes people sneak past them but I don't buy it and I'm pretty sure I guilted him into cracking down on people with beer. What can I say? I was trained by the best guilters: my mother and the Catholic Church. I'm still pretty pissed especially when it starts raining and everyone flocks to our store. Then I turn the corner to see that someone has spilled a blue icee. Really, people? How do you function on an everyday basis without me to clean up your messes? I hate you so much.

Excellent Customer Service Part 1

My tragic flaw is honesty. I'm way too honest for my own good. If my life were a Greek tragedy, my honesty would lead to death and destruction. Fortunately, my life is not a Greek tragedy. Unfortunately, my honesty leaves me with headaches and the desire to punch people in the face.

Two summers ago, I believe it was, a woman brought just about every sea horse item we had in the store up to the counter. Her daughter loved sea horses. One of the items she had was a wind chime that the tag had fallen off of. She asked how much it was and I looked it up and told her it was $22. She seemed content with this. I then noticed that the string that hangs down the middle with a little marble on the end was missing. I told her this. The computer says we have three so I'm sure there's one that's not broken. She says this was the only one out there. Maybe the rest are still in boxes. I send someone to look in the stock room. I finish ringing everything else up and we're still waiting for word on another wind chime. We wait a bit longer. It really could not have been that long. A few minutes tops.

"As a customer, how long am I supposed to wait? I'm just asking." She says.

Oh, were you just asking? Is that what a question is? Please enlighten me some more.

"Well, if you don't want to wait, I can sell you this wind chime for $15," I reply.

Now, she did not even notice it was broken, if you can really even call it broken. Sure the wind chime is missing a string with a marble but it actually looks better this way. Most people would jump for joy about getting $7 off, but she's not most people.

"How did you come up with that price? I'm just asking. It seems like, since it's broken, it should be 50% off."

How did I come up with that price? Well, you see, I take the retail price and then subtract the cost and add in the shipping and figure the worth of the sea horse and each chime and the string with the marble and then I multiply this figure by pi...

I made it up. It seemed like a nice amount. Actually, it seemed like an overly generous offer.

I try to explain this, but she stands firm. 50% off she demands. Well, I want to make her happy because the customer should always be happy [Note: The customer is not always right. The customer is usually wrong, but they should be wrong and happy.] So I finally crack and give it to her for 50% off. At this point, I wanted her out of my store. She was a rude customer in the nicest way possible. She leaves and I look back by the wind chime section where there are two sea horse wind chimes both broken, I mean improved, in the same way. Thanks for wasting our time and making it seem like we were wasting your time.

I wish I had kept my mouth shut.

We're in a tent. This conversation is over.

I can not stress enough that the most popular gift shop at the zoo is currently located in a tent. Ok, complainers, I'll give you the fact that it is an exit store and you are forced to enter a gift shop that you may have wanted to avoid. I'll give you that, but I AM NOT THE PERSON FORCING YOU TO EXIT THIS WAY. Do you really think that I want to clean up after your ginormous wagons and strollers that have just trekked down a gravel path AND hear you complain that it's too hot in here and why do we not believe in air conditioning! First of all, I have to spend significantly more time in here than you do and you tend to hog the fans when you are in my store. Secondly, we are in a tent. A tent for god's sake. A tent that has two doors permanently open. Why on earth would we pay to air condition it?

Now that we've cleared that up. As previously mentioned, there is a gravel road that leads directly into the store and many, many, many people have wagons and strollers so lots and lots and lots of dust gets into our large store that has a crap load of merchandise including plush and shirts. Things get dusty. We try. We really do. Anytime there is any sort of down time, we dust. We really do. Do not accuse us of not trying, we may punch you in the face because you most definitely are not the first person to tell us this. We took it as constructive criticism the first time someone mentioned it. We were pissed off the second time someone mentioned it. And now that we have gone all summer with these complaints, we've reached our limit thanks.

Again, let me stress that while I am one of the people you actually see in this gift shop, I had no input into how the store or exhibit was designed. I make slightly more than minimum wage. They tend to pay people more money than that to make decisions. Frankly, they don't pay me enough to care. Yes, I want to do my job to the best of my ability. But I don't really care if you think it's obnoxious, I mean really obnoxious that we force you to exit through the store. It's not my fault that you can't tell your kid no. It's not even the fault of the salaried people who sit around in air conditioned offices and don't hear you make obnoxious, I mean really obnoxious comments about what you think is obnoxious. I'm pretty much the lowest wrung on the ladder. To be honest, I'm not sure I actually am considered part of the ladder. The people who make decisions don't really care what I have to say and neither do you. So stop complaining to me. Caring is not in my job description.